Find us on Facebook
Why Hans Moleman is the Best Character on the Simpsons
1 He is Basically Immortal
Before there was South Park’s Kenny, there was Springfield’s Hans Moleman. His character is typically seen getting killed in accidents, but he has yet to die permanently. While Hans appears to be elderly, he claims to be 31 years old. “Drinking has ruined my life,” he says. He carries a hidden sword in his cane, and was once mistaken for Bart by The Simpsons. He has been hit by Homer’s car at least twice.
2 He Can Fly, Whenever Homer Runs Him Over
When hit hard enough, Hans Moleman has been known to fly through the air and walk away without a scratch. He has lived through numerous near-lethal mishaps, including being struck by a car and landing face first on the concrete. He has survived numerous car crashes and explosions, and has had his driver’s license revoked multiple times due to his poor vision. He has survived fire, electricity, radiation, neglect, and countless other disasters.
3 He Coined the Phrase: Boo-urns
Hans Moleman coined the phrase, “I was saying boo-urns” after the crowd boos Mr. Burns’ film festival entry in Season 6′s “A Star is Burns.” The “boo-urns” line was named in the A.V. Club’s “quotations from The Simpsons that can be used in everyday situations.” Hans Moleman submitted his own classic film clip to the festival, called “Man Getting Hit by Football.” Hans takes takes an impressive shot to the groin, and the film naturally ends up being Homer’s favorite. Roll it again!
4 He’s a Real Ladies’ Man
Hans has been in one too many car accidents. After Selma revokes his license at the DMV, she agrees to go on a date with him. After Hans dresses sharp and plays the part, he goes in for a smooch. However, straining to read the restaurant menu didn’t help his chances. When Selma has a vision of raising blind, ugly children, she kicks poor Hans to the curb. While kissing him might be similar to kissing a peanut, his biography reveals that he has no problem impressing the ladies.
5 He Parties With Metallica
In Season 18′s “The Mook, The Chef, The Wife and Her Homer,” Bart ditches Otto and hijacks Metallica’s broken down tour bus, only to find out that the rockers had already hopped in the back of Hans Moleman’s pickup truck. Hans says he that he once slept with Lars Ulrich’s grandmother, and presumably goes to rock out with the band. Despite the affair, Metallica considers Hans to be a “real fan.” His favorite jam is probably “Creeping Death.”
6 He Survives a Trepanation From Mr. Burns
While high on ether, Mr. Burns mistakes Hans Moleman for the leprechaun from the Lucky Charms commercials. All Hans wanted to do was “request $17 dollars for a push broom rebristling.” Instead, Mr. Burns (or “boo-urns”, if you prefer) drills a hole into Hans’ head in an effort to get his lucky charms. “Oh no, my brains,” Hans says off-screen, adding trepanation to the list of near-death experiences he has miraculously survived.
7 He Always Recovers From Messy Situations
No matter what kind of terrible situations Hans Moleman gets himself into, he always keeps his cool. Even when he is attacked by a gang of Roomba cleaning robots, he holds his ground. While it appears that the Roombas leave nothing behind except his thick pair of glasses, Mr. Moleman makes a miraculous recovery from this freak occurrence. He has also worked at various odd jobs around Springfield. You’re the man, Hans.
8 He Can Crash into a Wall and Live to Tell About It
Not many people can say that they drove a pink Cadillac into a wall, primarily due to the fact that they would never live to tell about it. Hans Moleman’s 1950′s Cadillac Eldorado will forever be memorialized in the wall of Planet Hype. His blindness often causes him to have catastrophes behind the wheel, but somehow he always manages to survive. Perhaps it’s simply good luck, or maybe there is more to Moleman than meets the eye.
9 People Write Awesome Biographies About Him
Hans Moleman is the subject of a book written by Chip Davis, an unseen, yet beloved member of the Springfield community who died in the recent “Four Regretting and a Funeral” episode from Season 25. During the funeral, Hans holds up a copy of the book and says, “Chip did such a wonderful job with my biography.” As man who has cheated death countless times during the series, his story definitely deserves to be read. Just look at his awesome motorcycle.